Story Thirty Eight: Ghina from Lebanon

I am even afraid of posting my opinion as not to piss of my husband who would threaten me with divorce which will affect my 2 very young children.
I think I need a therapy after all. But I definitely need help.
I am with the uprising of women because I don’t want my husband to tell me that I am a pig, a bitch and an animal if I give my opinion that is contradictory with his.
I am with the uprising because I don’t want my husband to start works in the house in November and oblige me and the kids to ask help from our friends to find a place for winter time. And on the top of his, when I express how this is affecting me, he leaves the house and keeps me in charge of 2 children. He will come back after all, but after what? Humiliating me and putting a high stress of level on me?
I am with the uprising of women because I work outside the house and at home. I have to be the driver to take kids to theirs school and nursery, take them to activities, bring them back home, do the shopping, take care of them .. and still be blamed because I don’t have the energy / or time to cook.
I am with the uprising of women because I can’t ask my husband for help because it will hurt his ego and he will make a bad reaction.
I am with the uprising because I am eager to have communication with a man, my man.
I am with the uprising to feel some courage and support to ask for divorce and know that my kids will still have some healthy and wealthy life.
I am with the uprising so I stop hearing from my man: I will always have the last word.
Finally, I am with the uprising because I don’t want my husband to tell me that a family is like a car and only one person should drive that car = lead this house.

Comments (5)

  • Commandant BOD

    You don’t need a therapy GHINA, you just need a new husband… It’s as simple as that…

    Reply
  • Saba

    Ghina,

    Sometimes it’s better for the kids to have no father, rather than a bad father. If they grow up seeing him abusing you, that will get ingrained in their minds that women can be abused easily. That’s not good for the next generation to grow up like that.
    If you have the chance to get the custody of children after divorce, don’t hesitate for going for that, just because your children need a father. Sometimes between the bad and the worse, you should go for the bad.

    Reply
  • Adnana

    Ghina I agree Saba. Probably, like many other women in your situation, you are afraid because if you divorce you will not be able to financially support your kids and yourself. I’m not sure how is in your country but in Europe the father is obliged by law to pay an alimony. It may not be the case in Lebanon, but don’t sub-estimate your forces. If you don’t have yet a job or a qualification try to get one (a course of hairdresser for example), either if this will mean to hide yourself and when you are prepared to sit on your own legs then take the actions. I know that this is not easy and you will say “what does other peoples knows about my situation”, but just believe me that crying your pain away will not make things better for you or for your kids.

    I listen once a story about a humiliated and bitten wife and what shocked me was that after years of living in this nightmare, when the kids where adults and she wanted to divorce, her own boys were blaming her for this because they considered normal the way their father treated her (in the end this is what they have seen their entire life and they had no alternative to this). And guess what? Her older son was abusing his wife also and now she was regretting her choices in life and she was trying at least to help her daughter-in-low not to repeat her own mistakes.

    Reply
  • Rania Hammoud, Life Coach

    You are working at home, you are working outside home, you are taking care of the kids and the house. I dont know where do you need him!

    He is doing this because you are letting him do it and because he knows he can do it and go away with it without consequences.

    Ghina, you need to stand up for yourself and your kids. Like others said, your kids will grow up and blame you of accepting this.

    Uprising starts from us, it doesnt happen outside, away. you need to uprise and take the lead of your life… if you have a bad driver of your life, be the driver!

    Reply
  • Menna

    Dear Ghina,

    In my opinion, the reason why you are deciding to stay with your husband is the very reason why you should get a divorce, the reason being: the welfare of your children.

    Did you ever think how the attitude of your husband is and will affect your children? If they are girls they will learn complete submission to the man, they will learn to erase their personalities, they will learn not to have an opinion. And at some point when they grow up a little more, he will treat them the same way he does you. No matter how you try to raise them differently, this will always be the only reality they know and live.

    If you have boys, they will most probably take the sadistic tendencies after him, seeing the way he treats women. They will not be mentally balanced people.

    I say this with all hopes it will not be true. But experience is talking here. You will keep letting go of your rights one by one, but what about your children’s rights? Are you letting go of those too? If he is doing something that is not in their best interest, are you able to object?

    One day, your kids will grow up and they will ask “giving up on your rights was your business, but what about our rights? Why did you give up those?”

    You owe it to your children to take the decisions that are best for them, and looking for a place to stay in during winter does not seem like it was in their best interest.

    I hope with all my heart that things turn out for the best for you and your kids.

    Love from Egypt,
    Menna

    Reply

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